I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
