everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Randomize
