I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
