i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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