honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
