I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
