I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
