i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize