This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
we're making bets on your personal life
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
