OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
