in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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