someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
