she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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