Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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