I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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