why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
