grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
try to milk me bitch
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