Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
try to milk me bitch
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