Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
