Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
