If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Randomize
