he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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