Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize