I can't watch pbs sober anymore
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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