my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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