Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
