After last night, I could never be a politician.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Randomize
