There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
is that a dick in a sweater?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize