just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Randomize
