no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
