found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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