I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Randomize
