tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize