Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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