Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
