I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
