that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
