the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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