I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
