I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
