i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
