She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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