i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You pole danced in your parka.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
