Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
