the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
