I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
