he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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