Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
