what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
