I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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