Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
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