Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
