I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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