So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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