The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
