The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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