yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
