We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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