oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He better not be in your backpack
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
