Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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