the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
