i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
