good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
