1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
