i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
