Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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