i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
