went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize