she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
