no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
