Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He shit in the fireplace
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