Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
