I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
he was CRYING into my vagina
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
