im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
