official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
